Dear Joe,

With all the publicity about Tiger Woods being in treatment for sex addiction, I’m wondering what is sex addiction and if is it truly an addiction? I mean, c’mon man, we gay folks have fought for our sexual freedoms and now you’re going to tell us that if I play around and have some “fun” I’m a sex addict? What’s up with this, Joe?

Signed, “Likes to have lots of sex”

Dear Likes,

The term “sex addiction” has long been debated. Patrick Carnes published the first book about sex addiction, Out of the Shadows, in 1983. Some have said the condition is not truly an addiction but an issue of poor impulse control and would be better coined “sexual compulsivity” as part of an obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). The LGBT community had a strong negative reaction to this “diagnosis” believing it was a sex negative term after all the years of fighting for sexual freedoms and freedom of expression.

However, those of us in the counseling field are aware that we see individuals who are distressed by how much time they spend on sexual activities, whether that be online in chat rooms, sex sites, or in person at bath houses, cruising areas, or in pursuit of sexual partners in various ways. My rule of thumb is to say, “if the sexual activity is causing interference in your primary relationships (partner, roommate, family, friends, work), causing damage to yourself (excessive masturbation to the point of injuring yourself, repeated STD’s, contracting HIV), and you’ve tried to stop the activity on your own but have not been able to do that despite feeling shame about what you do, then you may have a problem.”

If, as you say, you just like to have a lot of sex and you are happy with your life, “mo better.” But if you are finding you have more and more sex and get into a pattern of having sex to numb feelings, or forget about emotions, or to make yourself feel better about yourself, then you may want to consider looking into getting help.

You can take a free self-assessment by going to www.sash.net and clicking on “Am I a Sex Addict”? For the best reading on the subject I recommend Chapter 5 of Joe Kort’s book, 10 Smart Things Gay Men Can do to Improve Their Lives and for women, Charlotte Kasl’s, Women, Sex, and Addiction.

In addition to the sex addiction treatment programs that Tiger (allegedly) attended, there are a number of self help groups and individual therapists who have been trained on helping people who identify this as a problem area. Those programs and therapists can also be found at www.sash.net.

Good luck to you, “Likes to have lots of sex,” and be good to yourself whether that means you continue to enjoy the patterns you have been used to or get help for out of control sexual behavior.

Joe Amico

If you have a question you'd like to see answered here, contact Joe at joe@joeamico.com.