I have two moms, a bisexual sister, and a twin who is straight (but I still love him). You would think it would be an ideal situation for somebody who is gay, like me. But it still took me over a year and a half to come out for the first time.

I never thought of "gay" as an insult, so I never reported the kids who called me that along with other homophobic slurs all throughout fifth and sixth grade. The first time I actually reported a kid was when he kicked me. It was in 6th grade, I was in the bathroom. I had turned my back to pee, he kicked me and yelled "faggot" as he ran out the door. It did not bother me that much, I reported it via note to my teacher. Looking back I wish I had known that for harassment to legally be bullying there had to be three reported instances of one person harassing me. Had I known that, the kid who kicked me would not have gotten off with one afterschool detention.

Seventh grade was when I really started to question my sexuality. I already knew I was gay, I just hoped that by questioning I could prove myself wrong. No matter how I looked at it I was gay, and with things toning down, I started to get comfortable. Then came two blows: my best friend moved to Miami and some idiots struck again.

It was at a school sponsored event, my friends and I were dancing. Some guys came over and started mocking us. When we ignored them they started to head butt us. I put the kid in a head lock to get him to stop. I was never so livid in my life. Not because it was me they targeted, but my friends. I can fend for myself usually, but my friends are like family. I decided that the kids around me could not handle a gay classmate.

The closet started to weigh on me over the summer. I would set a date to come out, it would pass, I would feel like a useless failure. I started to get a little depressed. I started to pretend not to be. If I look back and think how many times one of my moms asked, "Are you ok?" and how many times I said, "I’m just tired," I am appalled. Then I found my mend-all.

After coming out, I started to realize how much spreading awareness improves an environment. People actually apologized when they said, "that's so gay" in front of me.

I found that if I helped solve others’ problems, I could ignore mine. Yahoo! Answers became like a drug to me. I found the gay section very helpful in that aspect after I created a persona using my middle name and a combination of my last names. When I solved others’ problems I could be as gay as I wanted without having to worry about the thoughts of others, since I would never meet any of them. But like all good things, it got old.

I decided that I had to come out. I thought about who I would come out to and posed the question on Yahoo! Answers; they thought I was an idiot for not telling my moms. I do NOT care who your parents are, coming out to them is so scary, it’s insane. After coming out to two friends in the beginning of eighth grade, it took me around two months to tell my family. Did I mention that if you have straight parents to come out to, you’re my automatic hero?

The first two people I came out to stick out; they were the only ones who made the same big deal out of it that I thought it was. They were positive about it, but treated it as a big deal. My family said, "I told you so" to each other and they were one step away from placing bets on when.

After that I thought I would no longer be depressed at all, but that wasn’t the case. I went from feeling like I was a failure for not coming out to feeling like a failure for not having a boyfriend like all the people on TV and in books seem to immediately have when they come out. I switched from Yahoo! Answers to helping my friends. I dealt with things that I should not have. I should have on more than one occasion had them go to an adult, but didn't. I regret that, though nothing bad came of it.

Then I went to True Colors Conference, and after Friday's sessions, I told everybody. I posted it on Facebook, with no warning to my family. I thought after that I would get a boyfriend. I did, sort of. It lasted about 24 hours, I was absolutely crushed. I spent my first two periods in school the next day bawling my eyes out. Imagine wanting something for several years, getting it and having it ripped away; it was not fun. It was then that I started to talk to a counselor. My parents had no idea I was in any emotional turmoil until then, which made me feel worse for lying.

After coming out, I started to realize how much spreading awareness improves an environment. People actually apologized when they said, "that's so gay" in front of me. I had already spoken for the Anti-Defamation League once, and was scheduled to do it again. Then the Stonewall Speakers popped into my head. I emailed them. Before I knew it, I was trained.

The day before my first speaking engagement I was assaulted. It was at a cross country meet for which I was my team’s top runner. The kid threw a rock the size of a baseball at me; it hit me in the back of the head. Let me recommend now, if you want to take something past the stage of minor punishment, do not give your assaulter the finger. I later found out he said something along the lines of, "Don't worry about it, it is just that gay pu**y fag kid."

My team wanted me to press charges, I did not. But the support they gave made me so proud and happy I cannot put it into words. I finished the season as one of the best freshman cross country runners in the shoreline region.

Tags: Stonewall