by Tony Ferraiolo

Going back to school as a transgender youth poses a lot of challenges. Every time I ask a transgender youth what they struggle with the most, most of the time I hear the same answer: “the bathroom.” This response is not surprising, but unacceptable. Everyone has the right to use a bathroom when they need to. A school day can be up to seven hours long; no one should have to “hold it” for the entire day.

Schools can solve this issue by having a few gender neutral bathrooms available to students, perhaps a single stall, locked bathroom available to anyone.

For a transgender youth who is physically passing as the gender they identify as, this is a much bigger problem. One of the trans boys in a group I facilitate shared a story. He told the group he still uses the girls’ bathroom. Most of his peers know that he is trans as do the staff. But, because he was going into his Junior year he didn't want to stir up any problems. On the first day of his Junior year, he was in the girls’ bathroom. A freshman who didn't know him walked in to the bathroom and quickly walked out and reported to a teacher that there was a boy in the girl’s room. Even though he wasn't surprised, he was still embarrassed.

Most transgender youth make the decision to “hold it” for the entire day. They tell me that they just don't eat or drink anything, or some will eat very little towards the end of the day. When I speak about this subject, I tend to get the same reaction. People say things like, “I never thought of that part” or, “but it's just a bathroom.” Clearly if you have never faced discrimination in a bathroom, you have no idea what it feels like. I will never forget the first time it happened to me; it was so humiliating I ended up “holding it in” and not using a public bathroom for 31 years, until I transitioned in 2005.

The concerns of the transgender youth returning to school come down to two things, in my opinion: Support from the school staff and acceptance from their peers. Schools need to educate their staff, from the principal down to the janitorial staff, to set an acceptable, appropriate tone in the school. This includes education about what “transgender” means and the needs and particular issues that may come up for transgender students in the educational setting. For example, school administrators should foster an environment where teachers and school staff who hear of or witness a transgender youth being bullied or teased know how to intervene and support the youth. It makes a world of difference in a young person’s life when they know that they have the support of their school and are respected, or at least safe, just being who they are.

Schools can also take advantage of the growing number of professional resources available. I recommend The Transgender Child: A Handbook for Families and Professionals by Rachel Pepper and Stephanie Brill. The book contains specific information on transgender youth and the educational system. Here in Connecticut, I highly recommend True Colors Inc., (www.ourtruecolors.org) a non-profit organization that provides support, education and advocacy for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender youth.

Transgender youth are very courageous. They are brave enough to stand up and be who they were born to be, even though they know it is not an easy journey. Where or when they can use a bathroom should not be added to their struggles.

Tony Ferraiolo is the co-founder and President of The Jim Collins Foundation, a non-profit organization whose mission is to provide financial assistance to transgender people for gender-confirming surgeries.