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Billy's Story

Published May 16, 2010

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You could skip all the exercise and live much longer than that muscle head that works out every day for countless hours. How exactly is that accomplished you ask? Let’s say that our exercise buff isn’t the greatest purveyor of common sense on any given day. He throws caution to the wind and he lives with his hair on fire. Ignorance is blissfully supreme in his carefree universe. He actually lives like many common folk live their lives…really stupidly!

We’ll name this cognoscente of capriciousness by the name of Billy. Billy drives around without his seatbelt. He claims that he’s a safe driver and that no government is gonna tell him what he needs to do. His granddaddy and his daddy were never in an accident and they drove for many decades. He doesn’t quite get the definition of an accident. Merriam Webster defines it as “stuff happens”. Strap on that belt Billy!

Billy likes to drive around dropped crossing gates at railroad tracks. He doesn’t like to be late for work on account of some freight train. Most of the trains in his neighborhood are slow and cause drivers grief. MOST of the trains! There are a few that slither by at 60 miles per hour. How is your depth perception today Billy?

Billy is not too keen on yellow and red lights at traffic signals. He tends to see mostly shades of green when approaching intersections. There are plenty of other drivers that also tend to see the greener side of those three adorable primary colors when approaching First and Main. Russian roulette is a game best never played Billy!

Billy loves his new phone. Billy loves to know what his friends are doing at any given moment. Billy loves to text message. Billy loves to drive. If you put together the same Venn diagram I did then you know that Billy is headed for trouble. Hang up and drive Billy!

Billy needs new tires. Billy went to get an oil change and the attendant noticed that Billy’s tires are bald. Billy has heard all this before. Billy figures a few thousand more miles can’t hurt. Billy is headed to the Lady GaGa concert and could use the extra dough for some dogs and suds at the arena. Billy has a blowout on the way there and wrecks the Hyundai. It was a great concert Billy!

Silly Billy! All that hard work can be erased in the blink of an eye. Darwin did a little research on this thing called survival of the fittest. He wasn’t just talkin’ about brawn and biceps Billy. Common sense is overrated until you need it!

This health and fitness column is brought to you by that guy who has been washing his body in the same order for over thirty years now. That guy is Ron Blake and he can be rinsed off at www.myblakefitness.com.

Tags: Blake

Ron is a certified personal trainer and fitness instructor in the Phoenix, AZ metro area; he is also a regular health and fitness contributor to many newspapers and websites across the country. He contributes a monthly "Blake's Fun Fitness" column here, with LGBT-specific health and fitness tips. Visit his website at www.myblakefitness.com.

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