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Handel or Bach?

Published Jul 11, 2010

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There’s a fork in the road. What do you do? Pick it up so as not to injure your tires. Then figure out what road you are going to take to get to where you are going. There are plenty o’ forks out there just waiting to put their tines into you. Pick your road correctly and Handel’s Alleluia chorus serenades you to health and wellness. Choose unwisely and Bach’s Toccata and Fugue in D minor walks you away from health and fitness. On with the decisions!

The Showtime movie of the night is beginning and you look inside the fridge for some form of dinner. That icebox is empty with the exception of some chilled condiments and bottled water. A quick scan of the countertops reveals some pumpernickel bread and crumbs from the repast from last night. Further reconnaissance discovers a bag of potato chips awaiting your arrival in the pantry. A bag of chips for dinner and you make the movie in time. Out the door for a healthy meal and you miss the movie. Is it gonna be Handel or Bach?

The old neighborhood gang is back in town. The seven of you haven’t been back together since Robbie died six years ago. A night at the bars and the stories from those glory days pour faster than the bartender’s gun! Y’all smoked cigarettes back in those high school and college days and it sure would be nice to fire up the old Marlboros once again. It has been fifteen years since you went cold turkey. Is it gonna be Handel or Bach?

It’s the pool party of the summer and you finally got the first Saturday off work in three months! Your best paisanos are there too and they introduce you to that recently single man who is quite the cat’s meow! You are only more than happy to be the object of affection once again after playing Old Maid for one hand too many! One thing leads to another and you both follow the yellow brick road to his bedroom. There isn’t a condom to be found and he’s selected the bareback option behind curtain number two. Is it gonna be Handel or Bach?

The drive to and from work is 25 miles in each direction. The freeway is always full of madcap mayhem to keep you entertained on your one hour commute. Things became even more interesting last week when your seatbelt was cut in half while helping that friend move into his new home. It would be nice to have the air bag as a contingency plan; but those were only optional when your ’82 F150 was built. Jesse the mechanic quoted you $105 to install a new seat belt. It would require a couple hours out of your day to get your safety back in order. Is it gonna be Handel or Bach?

We all have those health and fitness forks to consider each day. We all have chosen badly at some point in time and we’ve probably paid the price. If you make enough mistakes then you are likely to start learning from those Bach moments. Stop at the next fork in your road and just listen to reason and common sense. It should sound a lot like Handel!

This health and fitness article is brought to you by the guy with the gigabyte girth. That guy is Ron Blake and his width is usually found in his tall tales. You can measure his success at

Tags: Blake

Ron is a certified personal trainer and fitness instructor in the Phoenix, AZ metro area; he is also a regular health and fitness contributor to many newspapers and websites across the country. He contributes a monthly "Blake's Fun Fitness" column here, with LGBT-specific health and fitness tips. Visit his website at

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