New Haven Pride Center

Darlings!

Modern technology has revolutionized the ways in which we can communicate with one another.  The benefits are astounding.  However, I can’t help but notice that human interaction has become far more impersonal in the process.  There is no reason why we can’t incorporate the values and manners we learned as a child in our current correspondence.  I believe it is important to always take the time to be lovely.

I raised my children as I was taught by my own mother as a child.  Manners are the cornerstone of civilized society.  When you meet someone you should be charming, shake their hand and tell them that you are pleased to meet them.  When you have developed a friendship with someone, you should be in tune with their lives, accomplishments, sorrows and special occasions like their birthday.  Call them on the telephone to wish them well.  Send birthday cards and anniversary cards.  Be a good friend.

I remember the days when trying to phone a friend, it wasn’t always accomplished in one attempt.  If they were not home, there wasn’t an answering machine or voicemail to record your message.  If they were home, but on another call, you would hear that familiar busy signal.  There was no call waiting to let them know that you were trying them.  So, you would have to wait a while and try again, often several times.

Once these conveniences became mainstream, we could retrieve messages from missed calls and put one caller on hold to answer a call from another.  Keeping in touch seemed easier.  Better.  Calls from the studio were never missed.  Agents could reach leave detailed messages about pending deals.   But, as with most things that at first seem good we tend to take them for granted.  Soon people started rolling their eyes when they saw the number seven blinking on their answering machine.  When would they have time to call all of those people back?  Someone may place a thoughtful phone call to you and you would think nothing about putting them on hold to click over to another call, and sometimes get so caught up in the new call that you forgot the other party had been waiting for minutes before you realized.  Sometimes they would still be there waiting patiently and you would apologize profusely.  Other times they would lose patience and hang up, only leaving you feeling even worse.

Then came the age of car phones and cell phones.  You no longer had to wait to get home get your messages.  You didn’t have to wait for a vacant phone booth to make a call.  You didn’t need to carry change or get a calling card and enter codes to call long distance.  How wonderful.  Business could be conducted from your car, a park, a city sidewalk.  Calls started coming in so frequently, you were talking on your cell phone constantly.  If you left your home without your cell, you felt incomplete, unreachable, vulnerable to missed information.  Soon people were talking on cell phones in restaurants, banks and libraries.  Signs were posted in post offices stating that they would not serve you if you were talking on a cell phone.  Theaters needed to remind you to turn off all pagers, cell phones and beepers.  Society had lost a certain sense of courtesy and manners as people took the affairs that used to take place at home or in an office to public places, often intruding on others’ personal space.  Convenience became nuisance.  But not just to others, often to yourself.  Suddenly you were far more reachable than you ever wanted to be.  Someone could call and say – Where are you?  Where have you been?  I have been trying to reach you.  Why didn’t you return my voicemail?

Meanwhile, another technological wonder had been coming of age – the internet.  What began as a wonderful research tool had soon given us yet another way to communicate – email.  You could send and receive messages without even having to call someone.  It was much faster than a letter or courier service.  You could attach documents.  Send photos.  Communicate with relatives at any hour you found convenient.  Thank goodness!  Life had gotten easier.  But soon came junk mail and spam to surf through.  Adware and malware and viruses, oh my!  Soon people were complaining about all of the emails they had to answer when they got to their office or returned home.

Oh, but then came along a much easier solution – texting.  Friends could send you a brief message and you could just type back from the convenience of your cell phone.  You didn’t even have to type full sentences anymore.  You started typing things like – lol, brb, and abbreviations the other person may have to Google to understand the meaning.  Even from your computer you could IM someone.  Wonderful?  Of course, at first.  But soon, as you tried to work, instant messages would pop up from people who seemed to have too much time on their hands.  How dare they keep pestering you?  You would ignore them for a while and perhaps even signoff to avoid answering them.

Then you heard about a fun social networking tool – Facebook.  How exciting?  You could share family photos, videos, connect with former classmates.  You could be notified on your cell phone about Facebook activity.  You could learn more about friends of friends just by clicking on their profile. You could reach some people faster through Facebook than by email.  But soon this wonderful network you grew started sending you more than messages.  They sent digital roses, guardian angels, and shots of liquor.  You heard about stray cows that had wandered onto their farm, who was eating lunch at the local diner, and who had gas all morning.  You began to dread signing on because the friend you like the least would surely send you a chat message within a minute, and you swore to yourself you would delete them as a friend if they did it just once more.

Stop.  Take a breath.  Our relationships are the most important things we have in life, with the possible exception of our health.  Don’t take them for granted.  Pick up the phone and call your relative on their birthday.  Mail a greeting card to a friend who just got a promotion.  Send flowers to someone who is going through a rough time.   Don’t become as impersonal as the technology that has invaded your life.

My fans are life and death to me, baby.  And I never forget it.  I strive to answer each note personally.  I sign each and every autographed studio headshot myself.  I write thank you notes for every gift I receive.  I use whatever discipline is needed to instill these manners into my children’s morality.  It’s not only my pictures that made me Hollywood Royalty, but my consistent etiquette in keeping in touch with those who adore me.

Darlings, please remember this – always take the time to be lovely.

Joan Crawford hosts the CGMC’s monthly Bingomania in New Haven.  For more details about Easter Bonnet Bingomania on 4/10/10, or for future dates, visit www.ctgmc.org.  Follow all of Joan’s antics, photos and videos on Facebook by doing a search for Joan Crawford and send her a friend request.

Tags: Joan Crawford