In Joan's November 2009 column, she provides advice on raising a family.
Foreword
Many people think of me as an Oscar-winning Hollywood movie star, and that is true, but raising my family has always been my most meaningful endeavor. I have always believed that discipline mixed with love is the best recipe. With conviction to your values and consistency in administering your rules, you too can have a family as wholesome and happy as mine.
Starting Early
It is important with little ones to instill structure as early as possible. They are never too young to begin learning how to behave like grownups. As adults we would never tolerate friends who like to cry, whine, play games, and constantly seek our attention (unless they’re agents, of course). So why would you accept that sort of behavior from your children? Regular use of timeouts without privileges can communicate your message effectively. As a rule of thumb for length of timeouts, I base it on their age – one week for every year of their life. When first introducing timeouts you may encounter resistance. This is to be expected. That’s where the back of your hand can be your best friend. Once they understand that you are serious, you will find that they quickly learn to accept your enforcement.
If you have a finicky eater, just make them sit at the table until they have finished everything on their plate. If they resist, just refrigerate the meal and serve it again for breakfast. They will soon catch on.
Generosity
We are all tempted at times to spoil our children, but this never leads to a good outcome in the long-run. In Hollywood, my children see many of their friends being spoiled rotten by their parents with material things. In those households the children rule the roost. Don’t give in to their empty requests for meaningless things they think they need to be happy. All they really need is your unconditional love, at least once a week. To teach the gift of giving, when your children receive birthday or holiday gifts allow them to keep only one. Then collect the other gifts, and your child, and head to the nearest orphanage where those toys can be given to those who are really in need.
Routine
Keeping a neat orderly home is fundamental. Save yourself the money of hiring help and use those household duties to teach your children about the joys of working hard. Eventually they will grow up and have to work at least eight hours a day for their career. When will they ever make that transition if they don’t have responsibilities now? Four hours every day of chores will teach them the discipline they will need in adulthood and keep your home clean and fresh. And remember, they will have a boss one day, so treat them like employees and don’t over praise. Inspect their tasks seriously, and teach them a good work ethic. At their annual review you can give them pointers for improvement, adjust their allowance up or down as necessary, and take the opportunity to share a few kind words as well.
Manners
I think we can all agree that Norman Rockwell captured the image of the ideal American family. You will not find paintings of children slouching at the table, running around and misbehaving. Your family is your canvas, so it is up to you to insist on perfection at all times. Proper table manners are where it begins and children should sit up straight and appreciate the gift of a having food on the table. If you have a finicky eater, just make them sit at the table until they have finished everything on their plate. If they resist, just refrigerate the meal and serve it again for breakfast. They will soon catch on.
Bedtime
If your children have a full day, they should be more than ready for sleep. If they are not tired, you are giving them too much free time. They should understand that once you have tucked them in, they are there to stay. Especially with boys, but not exclusively, I recommend strapping your children into bed. Some families call reality shows to send a nanny to help keep the children in their own rooms at night. To me the answer is simple. If they can’t leave their own bed, they won’t be able to crawl into yours.
Respect
Respect for elders is key. It is important to teach them to respect and take care of you, or they will never look after you in your later years when you will need them. It starts with words and then translates to action. I taught my children to finish every sentence they speak to me with the words of respect. These affirmations carry over into adulthood. My eldest daughter even wrote a book, which has since been turned into a motion picture, titled – Mommie Dearest. A tribute to me! My busy schedule has not yet allowed me to read the book or see the movie, but I am sure it is filled with the lessons I have taught her.
Tolerance
Instill in your children that the world is a melting pot of all types of people – a blend of different races, religions and cultures. It is important as an adult to travel whenever possible and leave your children in the trusted care of someone who understand you rules. When you return from your trip, you can share with your children what you have learned in the many exotic places you have visited. In this brave new world, where men marry men, women marry women and even grown men dress as women, your children should learn to respect all. I have always taken the approach that if they can tolerate me, they can tolerate anyone. Until then, be sure to follow me on Facebook by searching for Joan Crawford. I love all of you!
In Conclusion
Having a happy home can be easier than you think. If any of my tips strike a chord with you, I have written many books you can purchase on how to live your life as I do. I look forward to seeing all of my Connecticut fans at Pajama Party Bingomania on 11/14/09. You can get more details by clicking here.
The New Haven Pride Center is proud to present this “advice” from “Joan Crawford.” Some of you may know her from monthly bingo nights for Connecticut Gay Men’s Chorus, where she never fails to present a fabulous-looking and ludicrously demented model of woman/womynhood, dispenses spectacularly bad and therapy-inducing parenting advice, and tells crude jokes that manage to offend everybody. We are proud to have in our own backyard a little bit of the Hollywood machine that chewed up and spit out icons like Joan. We encourage you to read Joan’s advice with a huge grain of salt!